Australian humor ...

Read this ... *lol*

######
These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism website.
Obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie.

1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?(UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...

4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross , Sydney . Come naked.

8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna BoysChoir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink like the french.

12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia (USA)
A : Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

16. Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

17. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

18. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

20. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will still have to pay her by the hour. Fortunately for you her rate has dropped like her breasts.

21. Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
######

how cool...

Full moon party

[mood:Still tired]
[location:Lounge, Kuala Lumpur Airport]

I recently thought about my blog entries and discovered, that they are most of the time way too long. Will start to categorize them now, to allow people choosing what they want to read ;) - of course I still hope you read all my intelectual highlights ;).

Time flew by for the last 2 weeks and so many things happened. I've just been to Sydney, where I had to do a lot of administrative stuff, like paying the bills etc. *suxxs* ...
Was good to see all the colleagues again. I feel like living on another world. There were so many new things - people joined & left the company - so many new clients - so much work ... Have to get information more often.

The weekend before, I had the chance to discover & experience an event, well known all over the world.
Full Moon Party in Koh Phangan (Koh Samui).
Wow - wow - wow ... It is August, so all the Australian's escape their country to have the nice warm weather and also all the European's are in travelling mood. People told me, that the August party is always the biggest one in the year (beside of the december one!).
I heard something about 15.000 people.
A little island in the south chinese sea - beautiful, with blue water, white beach and palm trees everywhere you look.
Once a month they throw the so called full moon parties, to celebrate & prize the gods - blablabla ... of course because of the money, but let's believe in their true spirit ;).
It is just a beautiful place turned into one huge party. One club / bar after another. People are dancing / sitting / lying on the beach and have a good time. They run around with these little buckets full of thailand rum ... They have tatoos with bright UV-Colors which are reflected by the 10.000 black light lamps on the beach.
Everybody is in a good mood and you will meet so many new people there ... Simplified: CrAzY

Manuel and his girlfriend Jenna, (both from Munich) were on Koh Phangan already, as they are spending their summer holiday there.
Jenna, lived and grew up on this island. I haven't met her in germany before, so it was also a premier for me, to see her.
Let's quickly describe her: Beautiful blond woman. Why do I say that?! Hmm ... simply because I was soooo impressed, when she started - all of a sudden - to speak Thai. I am pretty sure most of the Thai people see her, talk about her and are then shocked, if she answers in their language with a bit of local slang ...
*Impressed*
So Manuel and her are living in this resort on the island, doing nothing the whole day beside of sleeping, walking at the beach or enjoying the sun. That's a life ;) ... (If you read it: Thanks again for organizing it!)

Now the embarrasing story: (To my parents - please no stupid comments!!!!)
I am pretty sure everyone has heard this sentence before: Fire is nothing for little kids. I think there is still a very little kid in every man. (isn't that a good start to take that as an excuse of my own stupidness?)
Manuel and me were playing with the local kids at the beach, blowing up firework-crackers one after another. The kids just loved the noise & it was a great fun for them.
Of course you'll keep the biggest one for the big final. yeaaaahhh ... It was a really huge one. ABout 20 crackers combined into one big one. How many people might know how this story goes on ;) ... yeah yeah ... stupid as we are, we wanted to lighten that damned bomb as well ... so we went to the beach put it in middle of the sand and due to the damned wind, it was almost impossible to get this thing burning.
All of a sudden, all the crackers went off at the same time... *Arrrrgh* ... I just looked down, and saw that all the fuses are burning - then jumped up, turned my head to the left. The next thing I felt was all that surrounding white smoke around me, that terrible noise like being locked in a war and the fear, that something really worse could have happened.
I think I didn't even know where I am for the next 5 sec ... I looked down at my body and felt a lot of hot & burnt skin ... All the black powder was on my skin, burning the first layers of my skin ... Ayayayay...
In the end, it is basically nothing, as I got that stuff off within milliseconds, but the shock and some little spots still remind me to the 'big bang' ...
It was indeed a lesson for me, not to play with cheap firework again. It could have been so worse. Loosing visibilty of the eyes, getting badly burned or whatever ... Let's be happy, that nothing more has happened. Manuel - I think he was reacting much faster - got off without any damages ... I think I have to train my reactions ;)

All in all, it was a good experience to go for that weekend. It is just about 1.5 hrs flight from Singapore, so no big deal.

If you ever think about going there ... do it ;) ... You have to at least see it once.

That's it for today ...

Ste[ph]an

Fish in the can ...

[mood:tired]
[location:Lounge@Kuala Lumpur Airport]

Good morning.
Another day in paradise? Hmm ... I wouldn't consider talking about the paradise - let's just call it life.
I am currently on my flight from Sydney to Singapore (back to work *suxxs*). I just realized, that I have a 3 hour stop over here, so I will have a lot of time, to write emails and in this case update my blog again ;)...

Where does the title come from?! Hmm ... Friends of mine will know, that I am a big fan of planes / airports and everything around it. So I do like flying and discovering new sights & countries. Nevertheless, I so often feel like a little 'fish in a big, big can'.
You are sitting there, waiting; reading; watching movies and in the end just waiting for the time to pass by.

Everything above 4 hrs flight-time is - what I consider a pain. You are stuck in this little seat - going crazy when the children / babies are crying in front of you and force your mind not to think about the depressing tightness around you. *welcome_claustrophobia* ...

Nevertheless, I have to admit, that my flight last night was really good. I was out with a colleague for some drinks and had to hurry up to catch my flight. During check in they told me that there was a plane change and we will be on a 777-200 instead of a 747-400. (As a true plane fanatic, I was of course a bit dissapointed) ... So I got on the plane and it was propably the newest plane I've ever seen. Wow ... It was also the first time for me to discover the so called 'sky beds'. That is really nice. The seat turns into a bed (ok ok ... there is still a bit of an upright angle left, but I had no problems at all to sleep there)
In seat entertainment system was great and up2date. Flight crew, food and service was really very good. It was indeed more than I've expected. It is a reason for me to fly - commerical Advertisment: Malaysian Airlines - again.

So here I am ... waiting for my next flight and watching CNN where they show the pictures of all the destroyed houses in USA from the hurricane.

That's all for now ...

Ste[ph]an

Sunday evening mood

[mood:sleepy]
[location:SIN@Home]

Sunday night ... Just came back from the cinema to see Johnny Depp alias Willi Wonka in the children's story 'Charlie and the chocolate factory'.
So far I haven't read the book, but I kinda liked the movie. Was fun to see, but I heard, that the book was much better. Even so I think it was the perfect role for JD.

There are quite a lot of good movies at the moment. Have to go more often to catch up - was surprised, when I saw all these good titles at the ticket desk.

This week was a short week for me. I've spent the last weekend with Che / Melissa in Bali & Gili Trawangan.
What shall I say ... Amazing ... Awesome ... Perfect ...
We had such a good time there. I flew down to Bali on Friday and met Che at the hotel. I haven't seen that guy for almost 10 months now and after about 30 seconds, it felt like we've never been separated. We had soooo many things to talk about. So many different experiences we both had discovered and of course had to tell each other. Just amazing. So we've spent the first night, walking around in Bali and talking.

Saturday, morning, I had the pleasure to meet Melissa, Che's girlfriend. They both living together and met each other in Thailand, where both were working as divemaster. Soooo good to see both of them. Che's seems to be sooo happy and different (in a positive way - relaxed and always in a good mood). I just told him some of my stories about the daily hassle and 'little problems' from the work life, which he just answered with a big smile, turned around - looking onto the white beach with the blue water in the background and started to laugh. Such a bastard!
So we went diving - in the meanwhile he is a certified dive master (recently preparing to become an instructor), so he knows all the good dive spots to go to. Working in a dive shop makes this much easier, as we could get the whole equipment there. I think I've mentioned it in my last blog, that I bought a new camera for him, including underwater housing. As you can see from my picture section, the first ones might be a bit blurry, but later on, they became quite good. Self-praise stinks?! Anyway ...

Gili itself is a small island close to Lombok, with about 1000 people living on it. Of course tourism is the biggest income which explains the 5 dive schools on it.
Che took me to this local restaurant, where we ate this - don't even know how to describe the food - amazingly good but so different food.
They've prepared the food on a stone fireplace, fried the noodles and put a lot of spices on it. It tasted just good. We went there every day - I was soooo addicted. *yummy* ... My stomache got a bit nervous, but all in all it was a very good experience.
Also the 'Schnorcheltest' - a test every dive master has to go through - was a lot of fun. That guy Ingo from Austria had to wear a formula 1 costume, running around through the village. He then got the snorkel and mask on his face and had to drink around 1 liter of a weird-mixed-all-in-one juice. He was sooo hammered afterwards! A good laugh for all the participating people.

You can't imagine, how hard it was for me to step on the plane back towards SIN on that day. Tuesday was also the 40th anniversary of Singapore National Day parade. Therefore they've planned, organised and tested everything since 6 weeks already.
So I was stuck in the plane above Singapore for more than 1 hour, as they didn't allow planes to land at Changi Airport, while there is the flight show going on. Of course the show was not for one hour, but the queue around it got really long.
So plane got delayed but we finally arrived at the airport. As you might imagine, it was one big hell there. So many people ... Waiting at the customs, for the luggage and I think I've never seen such a long queue in front of a taxi stand before.

Wednesday morning was quite hard to get up then. But it was just a 3 days week, so not that much pain. From all the airconditioning I got a bad running nose. Sniffing around the whole time.
That's about it ... My weekend was pretty relaxed. Wanted to get rid of my cold. Useless ;) still have it yet.
Went shopping on saturday to buy a new computer. Got close to my nerd-related computer parts again. Soooo expensive.

Here my 'wish-desktop':
- AMD FX 55 64 bit processor
- 2 x 250 GB Raid 0 stripping
- 3 GB RAM
- MSI GeForce NX6800GT 256 MB PCIe card

Finally I realized again that I am a day dreamer and did - fortunately - not buy the computer. Will see, maybe another time.
I hate working on a laptop. Everything is soo small and compact. Prefer having my proper keyboard a nice big screen and not have to worry about wasting space. My current Lap has only 40 GB of hard disk - blablabla I can already hear all the old-time-technology freaks shouting: I only had this 10 MB hard disk; I know ... BUT THIS TIME IS OVER... we are living in a time, where space doesn't cost any more. - So whenever I install a new software I have to worry abour running out of memory!! I've moved all my private stuff already to the external disk. Just Oracle alone with one instance of a DB running needs about 3 GB ... (and this is just one software running).
Anyway ... I like the idea of stripping ... So damned fast. I was once working on one of these machines and it was amazing. Never had such a fast machine before.
I also saw one of the Sony playstation 3 adds. They were announcing it on some screens in that huge mall. This box is running at 2.06 Terra flops ... Isn't that crazy?? For a gaming device? The graphics were just incredible. Xen told me about the new Xbox 360 he saw in Seattle the other day which also sounds pretty amazing. Looking forward to see these things in the shop.

Things are sorted out now. Booked my flight back to Germany!! (Yes I know - I mention this in every blog, but after the last changes, this it the final version.)
9th - 18th September. *yippie* ...
The group is getting bigger and bigger now. Paul from Paris & Caro from Vienna will join as well.

Uff ... getting tired now... My bed is calling my name soooo loudly! See y a ...

Ste[ph]an

Yes - I have to admit: I am a night owl ... and a computer nerd ;) ... Should go to bed - alarm clock will kick me out of my bed in 2 hrs! I like the pics from the webcam *scary* ... gute nacht - bonne nuit - good night @ all